why our traditions protect us

i went to a meeting in one of those "other" twelve step programs and i shared. A few minutes later this woman I hadn't seen for years shared, and boy was she on the attack on someone in particular...me. Now, I know sometimes we feel everything is about us, but she truly was attacking me. I believe this was one of the most abusive things we can do. We need always protecty our confidentiality just for situations like this.The person attacked (me) is left the next day going...what the hell?

Thanks for your feedback, juliette stung in ventura

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Comment by Sara VP on July 28, 2010 at 5:24am: Amy, I have one word for you...Alanon. :-)

Comment by Guy Lewis on July 28, 2010 at 3:22am: From personal experence, a lot of times the emotional events in life are A.A. related topics because it is normally emotional things that send a lot of people back out. I.e. the death of any long time friend (two or four legged), loss of a spouse, job, etc... I am ok with any topic that directly or might affect a persons sobriety being addressed in meetings. Sober hugs, Guy

Comment by Amy(Wallace)C on July 27, 2010 at 3:37pm: Recently at my old home group a woman brought up the topic of having to decide whether or not to have her dog put to sleep.
Had I been there, I would have pointed out that this is not an AA topic and tried to re-direct to make it an AA topic.
Having said that, I know no matter how gently I said it, she would have accused me of attacking her.

Comment by Juliette Chandler on July 26, 2010 at 9:00pm: thanks so much sherry. You bring up a great point. You asked, was I going to avoid the meeting. Yes, I was. So maybe now I wont!

Comment by SHERRY O. on July 26, 2010 at 8:38pm: I can't comment on what happened within the confines of the meeting, because I wasn't there. What ai do know to be true is what I need to do in personal growth in recovery. I need to examine my own behavior (words, expressions, gestures, etc.) first. Does my behavior pass the test in the BB that we take at the end of each day? Could I have offended someone? Do I need to make an amend? You know the drill. We each have had our feelings hurt, but how do we act when it happens? Are you going to avoid that meeting for the rest of your existence? Will you seek this person out PRIVATELY and work toward a resolution? THere are several other choices but do they fall in the category of persoanl growth? (rhetorical questions btw) Good Luck Juliette

Comment by Juliette Chandler on July 26, 2010 at 6:50pm: hi regarding how does this relate to traditions...let's see. let me get out the twelve and twelve. Tradition One: Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on (aa or all twelve step group areas). In the incident which I mentioned, there is a spiritual principle inherent in tradition one, that we care more about others welfare than our own. Therefore we don't come into a group with our pistols of venom, green eyed monsters of jealousy spewing, and cross talk in such a way that everyone knows who and what we are really saying. If we have an issue with a member, person recovery depends upn our unity...l.

Comment by Gil, MacKenna on July 22, 2010 at 3:05pm: Did you notice anyone going up to her afterwards and speaking to her about it?

Comment by zoolie on July 21, 2010 at 6:35pm: Been there, it hurts, causing immediate anger "who the hell do you think you are" thoughts, etc. People are inherently evil, even the ones that go to 12 step meetings. And remember, people go to 12 stepmeetings for all kinds of reasons, some even go to get sober/clean/well.

Comment by Guy Lewis on July 21, 2010 at 5:25pm: Kismet is right. Getting sober does not make people nice. All getting sober does is make a person dry until they painstakingly work the Steps in their life.

I have been to many 12 Step meetings in other programs, and from time to time, someone gets up-set cause I am not a member of their particular program.

I have seen this same attitude displayed in open meetings of A.A. too.

It is sad that one person feels the need to verbally attack another person in a meeting; however, I am not following how this event is indirectly or directly related to the 12 Traditions.

Sober hugs,
Guy

Comment by kismet on July 21, 2010 at 12:25pm: Getting sober does not automatically make someone a nice person. I can understand why you are upset--it is always uncomfortable to be attacked by someone else. I am not sure what you mean by "confidentiality" however. If you had not identified yourself would that have stopped the attack or was it more what you said? I do agree that it is rarely a good idea to bare your soul at a meeting--there are some there who will use what you say in inappropriate ways. Some thoughts are best left for a sponsor.