My Christmas Card/Letter for 2010

Happy Holidays Everyone,

Please consider this my annual Christmas card for this year. This year has been a roller coaster ride for me: emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. But I made it to the 11^th hour and I am still vertical so it is all good.

***

This year started out where 2009 left off with the return of major PTSD flashbacks and nightmares for me. If I could sleep without the memories in my mind, I would be ok. But that is not what was in store for me. My friend Jere helped me set up good new budgets at the start of the year to off set and recover financially from the major six month PTSD related manic period I went through in 2009 after Ms Pippie passed. Things were looking positive. The only positive about the manic is that my home value has increased. Every time I experience one of these PTSD manic periods my home value increases because my manic are focused on home remolding and up-grading.

*** 

 March brought my first and I hope last life lesson in Identity Theft when I mistakenly lost my wallet in Quartzsite Arizona while on a small vacation to visit Valerie in California. Losing my wallet put Jere’s budget into the trashcan of Best Made Plans of Mice and Men. I did not realize that my wallet was missing and the financial damage created for a week. However, I was treated to the most wonderful pampering of my entire life while Valerie and Tru (her boyfriend) treated me like a king for a week. I deeply enjoyed that experience and expression of love from them. Then at the start of April: Every financial advisor (including my eldest brother Hal,) I talked with concerning the Identity Theft suggested the best and fasted way to stop the Identity Theft thieves was to file a chapter 7 (except one). I was told that as soon as I did this, no one would be able to open any new credit accounts in my name. My pride stopped me from following this advice. That was a drastic mistake. Therefore, between April and the end of July my life was primarily spent putting out little financial fire concerning legal battle to prove I was not in many of the fifty states buying things I never saw or desired. With the funds my bank returned to me once their investigation verified the theft of my bank account funds. I am thankful to the local church and to my friend Mary who kindly helped me meet some of my major financial concerns during this period.

***

July arrived with my friend Bud, helping me to attend my very 1^st International Convention of recovered alcoholics in San Antonio, Texas. This had been a dream of mine for the last 5 years. In my 20+ years of recovery I had always been to reclusive and fearful of the great crowds of people from all over the world that would be in attendance so I never attended before. This event takes place only once – every five years. Along with sober friends who also helped by sharing their hotel room with me (George and Angela) I was gifted with a deeply moving spiritual experience of gratitude to God for a new life free from alcohol destruction. God in His wonderful mercy works wonderful changes in millions of lives world wide. I am grateful that I was allowed to experience this event.

***

At the end of July, I swallowed my pride and filed the chapter 7. The lawyers filed on the grounds of medical reason (PTSD the facilitated the chain of events and credit fraud). Funny thing happen next. No more credit purchases or accounts were opened in my name in places like Florida, New York, Michigan, and Texas. My finances started improving almost immediately. Pride sure can create expensive life lessons.

***

In August the Fall Semester started at the local college and I signed up for two classes in hopes of redirecting my mind to more pleasant things as an escape from my constant war of daily battles with my PTSD issues: Memories hell on earth. My studies were in creative writing and advanced Photoshop digital art. During this semester, one of my digital creations was published on a syndicated news blog; three of my photographic images were sold - catapulting me into the world of “Professional Photography.” Another gift freely given to me was that two of my writings were submitted to national magazines for publication. As I write this letter, grades have yet to be posted but both of my instructors have informed me that I received A’s in their classes.

***

By the time my 35^th High School reunion came, my finances were starting to improve to the point that I went to my first reunion for the Canyon High Class of 1975. I was at best nervous as a cat in the dog pound about attending. Being a life long isolator and recluse this was a major step for me to embark upon. I was greeted with warmth and love in the acceptance I received from old classmates but new friends. I was given the gift of inclusion with a class I never knew before - Real people with real lives. One special gift I received was the knowledge that a few of my classmates were actually reading my personal blog that contains my personal Bible studies, dealing with my life and my unprofessional writings. It was humbling to discover they supported me in my studies, thoughts, and posts. I never knew they had been staying in touch with me so secretly.

***

October came with the request from the church that I offer the third Sunday night devotional covering various topics from my personal Bible studies. What an honor this is.

***
As Christmas approached, my life and plans took a new direction once more. My long time friend passed away unexpected and unplanned. Jan’s family requested that I do the eulogy, adopt Jan’s cat Bucket, and choreograph the memorial service. What an honor and trust. For over a week this allowed me to be free from the mental rape gifted me by my almost two years of PTSD hell.

***

As I write this Christmas note to you, I am still racked with destructive emotional pain of my PTSD that is still out of control: No end in sight. I am still living with an extremely strong desire to isolate from the world of social humanity. I still feel like I am a misfit of life (a mistake of genetics). I still struggle with numerous thoughts of death. I still cling to the microscopic thread that tomorrow will be better somehow. I dream that 2011 will bring the gift of a new son-in-law named Tru into my secluded world. With the continued support from so many friends in so many various walks of life: I am sure I will survive the daily desires to check out of this world (for good) that have been my constant company these last two years.

***

As 2011 approaches, my Arizona family has grown: Mr. Smokie (my best friend), Mr. Karma (the dog with an OCD tongue), and now Mr. Bucket (the depressed cat). My small circle of friends has grown to include old memories from a distant passed that are now true friends from High School, recovered friends from all walks of life in over 80 countries, a closer bond with the loved ones of my departed Jan, a dozen new artistic and creative friends from two supportive college classes, the real acceptance, encouragement, and support of a loving church family, the growth of love from my blood family via Facebook, the discovery of a valued Physiologist that actually cares for the welfare of people, and most of all the hope of a brighter 2011.

(Now if Santa will bring me a Nikon D7000 all will be well in the universe: Wink)

Merry Christmas and thanks for saving my life,

Guy

Aka: The Nearsighted Photographer

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