I understand people places and things.. now for the but..

Understanding people places and things are out of my control and I need to leave it in gods hands a concept I would prefer to make a lifestyle. I share as often as I can that when my heart is bothered or when I feel less than serene - that even though living life on life's terms is part of it, I also get that I'm disconnected from spirit in those moments of difficulties.
When I first got sober it was a difficult task to take on the understanding and need to be around healthier people and let go of relationships of friends that used. Unknown to me at the time that the "using" part of it was just the tip of the iceberg.

I wish to not take personal inventory of people, but I still do. Please god - help me make it stop.

I wish to not respond in anger and frustration - Please god - help me make it stop.

I wish to be more understanding and patient with people - Please god - help me get better at this.

I wish to not let people walk on me like a doormat - Please god - help me speak up for myself and not fear the results of such actions.

I wish to keep the focus on my own positive self development - Please god - guide me in such things.

I wish to reduce my procrastination of such things and keep moving forward - Please god - help me.

That's the healthy part...
I feel a little better posting my aspirations.
So why is it when someone in the program treats you like crap, it still hurts so much..
people places and things, people places and things, people places and things, people places and things.

I've already talked with my sponsor about the alanon thing.
After 20 years in the program I have to admit this stuff is still sometimes just as difficult as the first 90 days...

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Comment by Janice K on November 12, 2009 at 10:04am: I too have always been in that uncomfortable place in my recovery after one meeting I made the comment "I sure didn't get much from that meeting" and was told "then what did you put into it"
you will always come away with something, sometimes you just have to look deep inside youself to find it but you can. I left the meeting for years because someone at the meeting was always yelling at me because I didn't give enough back now I wish I could have told him "Get out of my program and into your owen" Don't let anyone have control of your recovery take it back for yourself. Good luch with working your own program

Comment by Old george on November 10, 2009 at 5:56pm: My old sponsor always used to say (about jerks in AA...they do exist) "Sober up a jackass and you still have a jackass"
Somewhere in the 12/12 it talks about (you'll have to read it yourself to find out exactly where) how us alcoholics form resentments from wrongs done to us "both real and imagined"...the other side of the coin, so to speak. I can't speak for anybody else...but most of what I "perceived" as being treated badly...came mostly from my own imagination. Something to help with this perverse hobby is to keep a journal...writing down all your thoughts and perceptions as they occur. There's something about actually seeing this stuff in "black and white" that puts it in perspective. Give it a try...what can you lose?

Comment by Tom Z on November 10, 2009 at 12:22pm: If you pray for patients, you will be presented with situations in which you will need to practice it.

If you pray for an end to anger, you will be presented with situations in which to practice tollerence.

If you pray for an end to frustration, you will be presented with situations in which to practice acceptance.

so on and so on and so on.......

Comment by kismet on November 10, 2009 at 9:37am: I have been told--and I believe it--change the behavior and the change in thinking will come. For example, do not respond in anger-eventually the behavior will become part of the way you are. Sometimes, the cart comes before the horse.

Don't be a doormat. Say "no" even if it is uncomfortable. You will reach a point where it is no longer so difficult to stand up for yourself.

As for your hurt when you are treated like crap--you are not alone--ALL people feel that way--whether they are alcoholics are not. I would'nt beat myself up over it. Try to avoid those who are toxic and when you cannot--simply don't listen to them--walk away. After awhile, it will become a habit. Your behavior will change you. This doesn't mean that you won't still be hurt when you are treated badly, but it does mean that you will have found a way to minimize the frequency of the hurt.

Comment by Sara VP on November 10, 2009 at 5:48am: Thanks for this post....it's so...so...HUMAN! (My sponsor says Alanon is advanced recovery for alkies/addicts) Good way to start my morning!

Comment by Kent B on November 9, 2009 at 7:55pm: Thanks for the comments. I just got back from a Big book meeting in St.Paul and it brought so much gratitude back so quickly. Finding these comments helps me to remain true to this program and faith in my higher power. Thanks

Comment by Lisa Ann on November 9, 2009 at 7:12pm: It hurts when someone in or out of the program treats me like doo doo. I do get over it a lot quicker these days though. I realize it's them & not a reflection of me. I'm worthy of being treated well. So are You :-)