9th Step

Made direct ammends wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.

I am NOT one of the "them or others".

Last week I was at a meeting someone brought the the 9th step up as a topic. One man shared he had stolen so much money for local stores he wasn't allowed in them any more. He then said "my sponsor said to accept the fact I will never make those ammends".

Really? Never? What kind of sponsor would say something like this to someone about financial ammends?

Then Thursday at a meeting a guy (who got sober in 1985) was sharing about his dad dying 3 years ago. Seems his dad's last six days were in the local hospital. The guy stated while staying with his dad those last 6 days "I shared all my resentments and anger I had towards him. I had to get my feelings out".

I guess this is the interpretation of the 9th step?

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Comment by Pat on February 20, 2011 at 8:00pm: In the first case...having access to the inside of a store should hardly be a factor in making amends. Making a call and arranging a meeting with the owner or writing a letter to him (being so careful here, we never want to put anything in writing that can be used to incriminate us). And there must be amends galore that need attention even if the situations in question can't be resolved YET. And finally, the Big Book (pg. 83) does say that, "There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could." In the last tragic situation someone didn't work the steps in order. If he has been sober for over 25 years why is he still so angry? He "had to get his feeleings out"? Three year olds don't say that, but they do that very thing. Kinda like "letting it all hang out". What if we all did that? I'm not judging the guy....I haven't the power....it's the behavior...hate the sin, but not the sinner.

Comment by Frank Mazzola on February 19, 2011 at 6:03pm: Hmmmmmm SAD---I hope he is making amends ++++++ to others but not like he did his Dad

Comment by Virgil on February 19, 2011 at 4:39pm: "After we have made the list of people we have harmed,

have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have tried

to possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to pro-

ceed, we will see that making of direct amends divides

those we should approach into several classes. There will be

those who ought to be dealt with as soon as we become

reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety.

There will be those to whom we can make only partial resti-

tution, least complete disclosures do them or others more

harm than good. There will be other cases where action

ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very

nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct

personal contact at all." (Page 83, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

Now I would point out that this paragraph is probably put on the back

burner if studied at all, like so many other Aa suggestions.

The first story you alluded to, could be corrected like it was in the manor shared

in a Grapevine story: "A Benchmark in Sobriety," September 1991 issue, or

page 64 in the Grapevine book; "Emotional Sobriety, The Next Frontier" (GV-17)

As for the man that spent his Dad's last six days, was not making amends, but blamming his dad for all his resentments and feelings.

Have fun in recovery,

Virgil

Comment by Sara VP on November 23, 2010 at 5:32am: Some of us are sicker than others...don't let it ruin your day!

Comment by Robert H on November 22, 2010 at 11:40am: I would tell someone that but then again I don't tell them to do anything. I use to but a learned go ago that wasn't my job. I only tell them what I would do then show them by example how I do do things.