A LITTLE OF MY STORY

I have written this so you can get to know me better - it is long but it is some of my story.
When I was 14 months sober, I was diagnosed with all the arthritis' you can think of including psoriatic arthritis for which I was given a chemo drug (plus lots of others). They warned me I would probably be in a wheelchair within 2 years and have to have a liver biopsy as well, as I was now taking some very toxic drugs. I was engaged to Dave, a fellow AA member and had been with him since I was 2 days sober (not a good idea!!!!) He said it didn’t matter and we planned our wedding thinking I would probably be in a wheelchair for the wedding, but God thought otherwise! I was driven to my wedding by my younger brother, Lester and walked up the aisle. Sadly, Lester, at the age of 45 passed away from a sudden heart attack (that was 5 years ago). We all miss him so much and Lester and I had a bond because I taught him to ride a motorbike and I was the only person he let ride his Harley Fatboy!! His sons are now extremely close to me and I love them as my own children.
A miracle with my own son, Reoz, happened when he was 30 (he is now almost 35) in that, after 11 years of not speaking to me or seeing me, he came back into my life – what a miracle that was and is as now I have him, his wife and my beautiful 12 year old grandson in my life. The promises of AA do come true but in God’s time, not mine!! I was 7 years sober when I got my son back. He says he didn’t leave at 19 because of my drinking, but because of my choices – I was marrying a man who had already beaten me up and he could not watch me anymore. While Reoz was out of my life, he also went through his own addiction struggles and has now been clean for about 6 years. I now believe that in letting go of him when I did my steps, and giving him to God to look after, that is exactly what happened. I think too, that God was gentle on me as I didn’t have to watch my baby go through what he did with his drug addiction and all that goes with it. My heart ached for him but he was already in good hands – he didn’t need me, he needed God.
As the years went by, my physical pain got so bad, that my husband became my carer (even though I still did housework because I felt useless!) and I had to have help getting out of bed most mornings. It took me some time, with the help of my sponsor, to accept my bone diseases - you don’t have to like it to accept it!! (How I hated that saying lol !) But it worked. I became used to being in a lot of pain. Each time it would get worse, and the doctors would say that it was progressing; I would have a good cry, and wonder how I could put up with this much pain all the time. Then I would get my program into my head and accept, accept, accept!! For the next 8 years it progressively got worse and it did not help that the medication they put me on added 25 kilos (55lbs) to my body within 3 months! By the time I was 9 years sober, I couldn't sit in the car to go to my mothers which is only 10-15 minutes drive away. I then was diagnosed with fibro myalgia, a muscle disease and was in soooooo much more pain than I could ever have imagined. I accepted it all with the help of God and AA, but my spirit was dying, as I felt so useless to everyone. I was isolated by my physical illnesses and had trouble going to AA meetings even once a week and could never stay for a full meeting. I even had a special chair to help me sit for longer.
On Valentines Day 2007, my husband wrote a note in a card saying that I brought all the joy to his life and I was the love of his life even though he didn’t like the fact that I was starting to disagree with some of his motives in the way he lived his life. On March 25th he needed to talk to me and just straight out said "I am leaving you!" and that was it - no fight, no explanation nothing - I went into shock! but had the brains to ring my AA sponsor and a good friend who immediately came to my home.
I then proceeded to grieve all my marriages (4!!) as I had drunk my way through the others lol ! I went to a meeting with them that night, even though I had cried all day and I sobbed through the meeting. I was asked to share and I said my husband had left me and I had no feelings of shame, embarrassment or judgement - just unconditional love from my fellow members. My husband was at that meeting too which was really hard but I knew what I needed to do for my grief and my sobriety and that was to be nice to him and treat him as I would any other member and I did (God it was hard though). Within 5 weeks, my husband had taken up with another AA woman and I decided to do the same with her, just be nice, because there was no way I wanted to have to apologize to either of them in the future hehe!!! Then in another 5 weeks they were living together and I found out the way they wanted me to - they drove up to the front of my home, my husband came and gave me back a towel he thought I would want (yeah right!!) and she and all his stuff were in his vehicle!! Of course, I said, are you moving and he said yes, that he was moving in with her and then they both laughed out loud, at my pain. But they didn’t know that I didn’t have any jealousy, just hurt because this was not the man I had known for 9 years! From that moment, I knew I would be alright - I felt it - I was happy in my heart just still grieving. That day was the start of my journey to find the real Glenda. I realized that I had become the Glenda my husband had wanted and when I started to change and question him, he left. But I believe it was all meant for a reason, just like everything else in my life. I didn’t miss Dave, but I missed my stepsons who lived with us