relationships vs spiritual growth

Hi I am Glenda & I am an alcoholic. When I got sober on the 4th March, 1998 it was the beginning of my spiritual growth which was stunted because of my drinking. I was brought up in a christian and fun home & have no bad memories of my childhood until I decided I knew better than my parents and that's when it all started lol !
Against all advice when I joined AA, I became involved with a fellow aa member who was 1 year sober and I was 2 days - yes, 2 days! We were engaged then married and for the first 9 years of my sobriety I was with this man.
In the last 12 months of the marriage, I could not in good conscious be the "glenda" he wanted me to be - my part in that is, that i let myself become that "glenda". He did not like the real glenda as i would not let him control my life anymore. So without a fight, he just walked out one day taking my 2 teenage stepsons with him (they lived with us) It was absolutely devastating to me and worse because he was my carer. I was on a walking stick from a bone disease and fibromyalgia and chemo medication once a week (which i still have to take). I was unable to hang out my own washing or sit in a car for more than 10 minutes without agony.
The next big burst of spiritual growth came when my ex left me - I finally grieved for my other marriages and it was so intense that i could feel my heart shattering (i am sure you know what i mean). But after a few weeks of sticking close to AA; friends & family, I realized I was happy in my heart even though I was grieving. At the same time I had been forgetting to take some of my medication, and yet i was improving and losing weight as I had let go of stress.
Everyone saw, except me in hindsight, that my ex was sucking the life out of me but I don't blame him as that is just his journey - yes, he could have handled it better but what was done was done and over. Within 6 months I had lost over 20 lbs without trying and down from 24 pills per day to 3! Also when he left, my eyes were "dead" and I am known for my mischievous eyes as they sparkle and as I went along in my single life, doing what was indicated I became ME!!! finally.
Next thing to happen was that I found I could drive all over the coast to different AA meetings in the car - something I just couldn't do. I realized that I had received a miracle from God and all I had to do was be the best glenda i can be each day.
Now, 2 years down the track, I have lost over 70 lbs eating what i want (& I have always struggled with it before this), do all my house & yard work (pulled a fence down last week lol !) and I can ride an 1800cc motorbike and sit on it for hours without pain! I believe in miracles because I am one!! My doctors & specialists can't explain it, but I know I was granted this miracle by God.
I suppose what I am trying to share is, that even when you are feeling as your life is going so bad that it is breaking your heart, God always has plans for us. He obviously has plans for me an I need to be healthy for those plans. I am already doing things now in service work, that wasnt possible before.
If I trust my instincts or God consciousness, & do the right thing to the best of my ability, God will give me everything i need. It may not be what I want but it is always what I need!
How amazing is sobriety???
Please share some of your experiences in sobriety with your spiritual growth.
Thanks for letting me share this huge post lol !!
Photos attached so you can see what I mean - first one is March 07 the night before my ex left
second one is a photo of me now - quite a difference!!

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Permalink Reply by Edward Trick on April 25, 2009 at 11:51pm
WOW you are a miricle, (I mean we are all miricles!) those pictures are great! Who would have thought.... and now look at you happy joyious an free.. and you ride a motercycle to boot...
Permalink Reply by TacomaTom on April 26, 2009 at 9:41am
Glenda, I've enjoyed seeing you on other recovery sites and always love getting your messages/comments. It's people like you that keep these sites active. I, on the other hand, don't always take the time to personally respond to posts and comments like I probably should. One excuse is that I am still on dial-up and any download seems to take forever, so I tend to get a little impatient... Anyway, your story was inspiring and it's all yours!! Isn't it funny how we tend to loose ourselves in something that we really didn't want in the first place. I love the visual in your pics of the beautiful transformation that God gifted you with that was there all along once you were ready to "let go"
You're awesome and Thanks for being my friend.... Love & Peace, Tom
Permalink Reply by Rob Wilkerson on May 2, 2009 at 8:13am
You are truly a miracle and inspiration. Your message reinforces that all things are, indeed, possible. :)
Permalink Reply by Frank Mazzola on May 10, 2009 at 2:47pm
Glad things are going well for You glenda----take it one day at a time.
Frank aka chief----same Glenda that was in FIR???
Permalink Reply by Leesa Bloom on May 10, 2009 at 10:39pm
Hi. My name is Leesa and I am an alcoholic.

First off, I want to tell you, Glenda, that you are an amazing lady. Those photos are unbelievable! You look as if you have not only lost weight but gained many years. Good for you , Girl!!

Thank you for your your share. What stood out for me was the pain that you went through and how it brought up old, unfinished business from previous relationships...........I can TOTALLY relate to that. I too was just coming into a big spiritual growth spurt, and after 12 years of sobriety, when my father died unexpectedly from a heart attack, I was so devastated that I honestly didn't know where my next breath would come from. I was adopted as a child and when my father, whom I was closest to in my family, passed, all of those feelings of abandonement from my adoption came up for me.

That first moment in the morning upon awaking and coming to the realization that my dad was gone was the worst. I had dreams of him at night......it was horible. I didn't drink though. Instead, when someone offered me something else that would essentially cause me NOT to have to go to sleep at all, and I actually thought that it was a really good idea and EXACTLY what I needed at that moment.

I didn't make it back to the rooms for 13 1/2 years. My spiritual growth was non-existant that whole time. It is hard to believe that I never once, in all of those years, got down on my knees and asked God for help........... considering that I lost everything and everyone that I loved and ended up living under a fwy overpass pushing a shopping cart and digging through the trash for everything.

I got clean on 2/02/06. I have son back in my life. I went back to college to become a chemical dependency counselor. I became an ordained minister as well. God is such a huge part of my life today. I meditate in the morning and at night and I am SO grateful to be so blessed. In record time, I have every single thing I need and want in my life. It was just a matter of doing the next indicated thing.........putting one foot in front of the other and doing what I had to do, regardless of how I felt about it. I just shut my mouth and did what I was told for the first time in my life and, by God, it worked. The moment I surrendered to the process, everything began to fall into place.

If someone had come up to me four years ago, and asked me, "If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?", I promise you, that whatever I would have said, wouldn't have come close to what I have today. Sobriety IS amazing!!!

Thanks for letting me share!
Permalink Reply by Aussie Glenda Truss on May 11, 2009 at 1:11am
yes everyone says i look 10 years younger - my son says that i look too young now to be his mum lol !!
a picture tells a thousand words doesnt it? - i lost my dead eyes too and got my twinkle back hehe!
i, also, would have laughed if people had said 2 years ago that i would be happy being single and not depending on anyone (except God) for my financial, physical etc well being. And to have no stepkids living with me - no way i would have said i wanted that - yet this is the best time of my life since i was a child.
i am finally grown up & in a "normal" grown up relationship and am independant and it is amazing - i LOVE my life and it is all thanks to God and AA and people like you who help me in my journey
thank you for your open and honest share - you are an inspiration to me as well. i feel that you have a beautiful soul dear friend. love & hugsz glenda
Permalink Reply by Leesa Bloom on May 11, 2009 at 11:08pm
((((SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE))))

That's a realy big hug that goes halfway around the world to you Glenda!
Permalink Reply by Huck on May 20, 2009 at 6:46pm
Well Glenda, you have quite a story! I envy you living in such a great place 'Stralia'! I have had the privilege of being there in 1988 for a couple of weeks. I got as far as Gunnedah in NSW and drove down to Wagga Wagga and Aubrey Wodonga in Victoria state. I was there sober and met some real alcoholics down under who were very good to me and my wife! My heart goes out to you 'Stralians!
Permalink Reply by Huck on May 20, 2009 at 6:46pm
ps. I go by the nickname Huck!
Permalink Reply by Scott Richardson on July 6, 2009 at 9:02pm
Hi, Scott R. alcoholic and addict and new to the site. DOS 10/2/88.

The longer I'm sober, the more I understand that it's not the problems we face, it's how we face our problems. I was married in sobreity and had to get a divorce I didn't want 8 years later. Lived 10 years on my own. Dad and my sponsor of 10 years died within months of eachother. Nearly lost a leg to a massive infection. Gained a ton of weight. Started riding bikes at 54, beat cancer, and now do triathlons. All that because of a God who loves me no matter what, forgives me completely and wants only the best for me.

I don't believe he visited any of those troubles on me to test me or to challenge me. They come to everyone in some form. I only share the problems so newcomers realize sobreity isn't just another path to get our own way. Doesn't happen that way, not in my life. Sobriety is really a connection with a higher power that gets us through whatever comes our way. The Serenity Prayer is longer than we say at meetings. One stanza says, "Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace, taking this world as it is, not as we wish it to be so we can be reasonably happy in this world and infinitely happy with him in the next."

I think God is reading this book of life page by page just as we are. He doesn't plan my outcomes. I'm not a rat he makes bounce into walls until I stumble on his will for me. He is walking with me wherever life leads, whereever my own decisions take me. There are many paths to the top of the mountain, the Buddhists say. Which one we take is of our choosing. Troubles become stepping stones given the right attitude.

I was married again last year. We went to high school together 40 years ago ...never knew eachother then. just crossed paths one day and here we are, living the dream. And, troubles will come. Mom is 90. Her mom died last year. We are older...things happen...my newspaper has had layoffs...I had furlough dys...but I still have a job. Life is sweet.

Thanks for being here. Fun to "chat" with other alcoholics from who knows where. Love you all, like it or not.

Scott R.
Normal, Il.
10/2/88
Permalink Reply by Jenna, J. on July 8, 2009 at 7:34am
Hello Glenda,
Wow, thank you for sharing a part of you. At this time I am,in a sense, where you were. I am about 50 lbs over weight, my back and knees have injuries from the past and unless I lose this excess weigh, mobility and easing some of the pain- seems non-existant. I cannot drive or walk far due to my injuries which gets so frustrating. So I spend most of my time on the computer, right now I am attending University of Phoenix Online, to earn my master's degree in Psychology. I'm in my first course. I recently completed my Bachelor's in Human Services Management May 2009, and completed my Associates in Business Administration in 2006 prior to beginning my bachelors.
Yes...I too believe in miracles. I am a miracle, my life should have stopped on Jan 13, 1991, I overdosed on speed and alcohol and my body was shutting down. I decided I did not really want to die, I just did not know how to live life on life's terms.
I've gone through so many one night or one week relationships with men. I was sick when it came to men and a very slow learner. I wanted to be with one guy so I could be a "biker's ole lady" I had not planned on having my entire life controlled, and being slapped around if I raised my hands while I spoke. He took it as my wanting to attack him [parinoid? hummm] so he hit me. I left that relationship to find more. I am in my first stable relationship now since 2004. We have been together through ups and downs and our relationship remains strong. I am still working on a lot of defects of character, however...right now I am looking for a sponsor and want to go through the steps again, and rid myself of some access baggage I've been carrying around now for over 6 years.
Again, thank you for sharing your life...
Permalink Reply by james b on August 7, 2009 at 3:34am
Well Glenda, what can i say.me had to come all the way from afrika to sober up. one day i will share my story

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