Aussie Glenda Truss

pubs & clubs

Do we, as alcoholics, go to pubs, clubs & events where alcohol is served?
For me personally, if I have a valid reason to be there such as listening to a band; a birthday party etc, I feel very comfortable with being in this enviroment.
I feel that I have been taught IN AA how to live OUT OF AA and to be part of the mainstream of society without feeling "less than" or "more than" the rest of the population.
We must feel safe in our sobriety, though, to do this. When in doubt, I talk to my sponsor.
What do you feel or think about this?

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Sara VPPermalink Reply by Sara VP on May 12, 2009 at 11:43am
In early recovery, I didn't go to bars/clubs/parties without an "Escape Plan". My sister owned a Tavern at that time, so I didn't spend much time with her until I had a few months under my belt. The first party (where booze was served) I attended in the company of my sponsor. There's a big difference between having fun and "getting stupid" (which is what I call being drunk).

I agree with Glenda though in regards to AA making us able to live outside the rooms. A friend of mine used to call it "Alcoholic Thinking" when people couldn't do much without being reminded of a drink and/or worrying about relapse. I can actually buy alcohol today (for visitors) and have it in my home without being "triggered", but I sure couldn't when I was new.
bob tradewellPermalink Reply by bob tradewell on May 13, 2009 at 4:55pm
bob tradewell said:
I wondered about all this in early recovery, and fortunately I listened to the suggestion of getting a sponser. We read the Big Book together, and suddenly after beating my head into every wall I could find, and fighting every step with righteous rebelion, I eventually realized that I had great power over alcohol---If I Did Not Use It. Alcohol is everywhere and so is life; it is impossible for me to separate the alcohol presence entirely from that of life. Learning to live life outside of AA can be a challange, and should be faced with baby steps starting with the first step. So simple, that is, if we follow the path that worked for so many other's. My way got me here, and in 1997 when I "joined AA", I thought it would be horrible that I would never have another glass of wine. Now the smell alone gags me. So I separate from the stinky liquid with whatever distance is necessary; sometimes feet, sometimes miles. I attend many non AA functions where I may be the only Big Book source available. Many years ago an old drunk, just like me, asked me if I ever thought I might have a problem with alcohol. I was at a bar with a bunch of other heavy drinkers. Pretty cheeky of him wasn't it? He had just watched me suck down a double with ice in a few nanoseconds. Without this question stated just this way AA would never entered my mind years later when I was ready for recovery. Funny how the mind works, I guzzled Vodka vociferously, but thought I would miss wine.
Alcoholic places and alcoholic friends were not a good source of recovery. A sponsors guiding input was. I was allowed to beat my head all I wanted, but his sarcastic comments on my supposed intelligence forced me to accept that I must change not everyone else.
HuckPermalink Reply by Huck on May 21, 2009 at 6:08am
As for me, my wife and I don't go into any club or bar unless its to eat. We usually look for a place that is more inclined toward food than booze. When I first got into the program they told me at meetings and my sponsor affirmed it to avoid 'slippery places' if I didn't want to slip. I knew of a fellow member who remained a bar tender and finally went out permanently. We need to be able to operate in the real world too and that includes being around people who drink. I like to attend AA functions such as pot lucks and speaker meetings.

Sara VP mentioned an escape plan. I like that idea and call it 'giving myself permission to leave'. I have been in situations when I was working and my fellow workers were enjoying themselves after the work day in a bar. I would do the 'fade out' routine and suddenly disappear and no one noticed I was not there!

Finally, I'd like to say that I have probably had more fun in sobriety than when I was drinking because when I was drinking I was always looking forward to another day or event and now I can enjoy the day that I am in!!!
Ted E.Permalink Reply by Ted E. on July 7, 2009 at 10:08pm
I go to rock concerts all the time either with my brother or friends in AA or both. I go there to see the band perform and hear their music. I always have a great time. I actually survived Ozzfest sober! That's a miracle! The next concert I'm planning on attending is Cruefest2.
Lisa, CollinsPermalink Reply by Lisa, Collins on July 9, 2009 at 6:35pm
I agee 100%. I got my butt handed to me at a meeting by a few people who did not (or could not) see things this way when I thought I explained myself pretty clearly. I'll have 19 yrs next week and I am a whole person who feels at peace with who I am and what I do because I was taught if your "motives" are pure you're okay. I enjoy concerts, clubs, etc. when the occasion arises and the beauty of it I remember the event without cringing : )
Lisa, CollinsPermalink Reply by Lisa, Collins on July 9, 2009 at 6:36pm
Rock on brother!

Ted E. said:
I go to rock concerts all the time either with my brother or friends in AA or both. I go there to see the band perform and hear their music. I always have a great time. I actually survived Ozzfest sober! That's a miracle! The next concert I'm planning on attending is Cruefest2.
Lisa, CollinsPermalink Reply by Lisa, Collins on July 9, 2009 at 6:55pm
I was taught the "escape plan" early on and it served me well the few times I felt it necessary to leave. I didn't have the compulsion to drink but I started to feel myself getting smaller and smaller by the minute and for me that's my signal I need to leave and be around my own kind. Luckily my husband is in the program too and he picked my up (I was out with my best friend - in her car) without blinking an eye or getting annoyed.

Sara VP said:
In early recovery, I didn't go to bars/clubs/parties without an "Escape Plan". My sister owned a Tavern at that time, so I didn't spend much time with her until I had a few months under my belt. The first party (where booze was served) I attended in the company of my sponsor. There's a big difference between having fun and "getting stupid" (which is what I call being drunk).

I agree with Glenda though in regards to AA making us able to live outside the rooms. A friend of mine used to call it "Alcoholic Thinking" when people couldn't do much without being reminded of a drink and/or worrying about relapse. I can actually buy alcohol today (for visitors) and have it in my home without being "triggered", but I sure couldn't when I was new.
Aussie Glenda TrussPermalink Reply by Aussie Glenda Truss on July 10, 2009 at 1:21am
I was married to an AA member and at 4 days sober I went to a party where we were the only ones not drinking or drugging but I felt great as I was there for a birthday and i had done my steps!! When I finished my steps the compulsion to drink was taken away from me. Since then, over 11 years, I have been to lots of clubs to listen to bands, parties for family & friends without it ever worrying me. Yesterday I went to a huge funeral for my nephew and there was a LOT of alcohol even though my family aren't alcoholics and some dont even like drinking, friends of the family do drink so................ i had my pepsi and never even batted an eyelid - I didnt go to AA to live in a "bubble"! Also now, I date a "normie" (my first lol) and even though it is rare he has a drink, we belong to a bike club and friends and family drink and they dont even know i am an alcoholic!! I just dont drink- so I feel that if you are going anywhere for a reason and there is alcohol, there is nothing wrong with it as long as YOU feel comfortable. I also leave if people get too drunk as it is boring lol !! God we must have been boring and dribbled a lot of sh*t ahha!!
kismetPermalink Reply by kismet on July 18, 2009 at 9:27am
If I have a reason to be there I will go. If I refused to be around alcohol I would have to divorce my husband--which I have no intention of doing. When I was early in sobriety my husband did not drink around me--and I was grateful for that. At this point in time I can see him drink a beer without it making me want a drink. But then again that is what our program promises!
Robert HPermalink Reply by Robert H on July 31, 2009 at 12:09pm
Interesting topic, the Eskimo come to mind here.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic, who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
Pg 101
I have been handed a crack pipe on my way into a meeting, surely that doesn’t mean I should stay away from meetings. But it does sound like a good excuse….LOL….no what it means that I better be grounded in the program as soon as I can get there.
I was lucky enough to be hooked up with people that believe you could do the first 8 steps in 8 hrs. getting through them has enabled me to get through all of hair-brain themes that I thought were good ideas. And I even luckier that I had some real sick sponsorship that thought pain was a better teacher than he could be.
Now I can giggle when I tell a sponsee Boy that gonna to hurt.
MeganPermalink Reply by Megan on August 13, 2009 at 9:29pm
When I first got sober like so many people I was worried about never having fun again. Now, I know that I have more fun than I ever did when I was drinking. I love waking up knowing I did or did not spill anything on somebody and I didn't yell at anybody. In order to be in situations around people drinking though I have to work my program every day and I make sure that I am spiritually fit. Thankfully, I have learned that my life is so much better when I am in my program that it isn't like doing AA Olympics before going to a wedding or birthday party.

I know for me like with everything else I have to take responsibility for my actions, and think things through. I have a drink that I only drink when I am out socially... cranberry juice & sprite with a lime. This helps me feel like I am getting to celebrate too without always going to the same things I drink at home. My best friend and I both are sober and we both have had drinks spilled on us in a bar, I now take an extra shirt in my trunk if it's a place that I know is going to be crowded, or I don't know the venue or the crowd. Driving home late at night after being in a bar smelling like beer is not a fun place to be, no matter how spiritually fit I am.

I did have a wonderful time at a bar one afternoon because I was honest... I was there with friends and I went to order a refill on the festive drink. The bartender asked if I was DD, we got into a conversation and I ended up telling him that I was in the program. He got so exicted and started messing around with different juice and soda combinations all afternoon long, he'd send over these shot glasses for me to sample then if I liked it he would make a larger one. At the end I tipped him well and he thanked me for the opportunity to have some fun with mixing drinks again because he already knows the combinations that are successful with alcohol but this was something different for him and changed up his shift some.
Dan StaafPermalink Reply by Dan Staaf on August 15, 2009 at 9:20pm
Megan said:
When I first got sober like so many people I was worried about never having fun again. Now, I know that I have more fun than I ever did when I was drinking. I love waking up knowing I did or did not spill anything on somebody and I didn't yell at anybody. In order to be in situations around people drinking though I have to work my program every day and I make sure that I am spiritually fit. Thankfully, I have learned that my life is so much better when I am in my program that it isn't like doing AA Olympics before going to a wedding or birthday party.

I know for me like with everything else I have to take responsibility for my actions, and think things through. I have a drink that I only drink when I am out socially... cranberry juice & sprite with a lime. This helps me feel like I am getting to celebrate too without always going to the same things I drink at home. My best friend and I both are sober and we both have had drinks spilled on us in a bar, I now take an extra shirt in my trunk if it's a place that I know is going to be crowded, or I don't know the venue or the crowd. Driving home late at night after being in a bar smelling like beer is not a fun place to be, no matter how spiritually fit I am.

I did have a wonderful time at a bar one afternoon because I was honest... I was there with friends and I went to order a refill on the festive drink. The bartender asked if I was DD, we got into a conversation and I ended up telling him that I was in the program. He got so exicted and started messing around with different juice and soda combinations all afternoon long, he'd send over these shot glasses for me to sample then if I liked it he would make a larger one. At the end I tipped him well and he thanked me for the opportunity to have some fun with mixing drinks again because he already knows the combinations that are successful with alcohol but this was something different for him and changed up his shift some.

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