My power greater than myself.
I am in a small percentage of people who don't believe in God or a god or any gods. Wether it be an agnostic or athiest or whatever lable you choose, I have no idea, nor have ever had an idea of a god at any point in my life. As a kid it seemed completely unbelievable and never had any thoughts, good or bad, of the concept of a god. I always was into science and watched scietific programs and read that kind of literature. I always needed facts to explain evrything and held fast to my beliefs throughout my 37 years on earth.
I don't say this to start a debate or to contradict the teachings of AA. I say this to share my experience, strenght, and hope. If someone is having the same problems I was, then maybe it will help them in their recovery. Because of my steadfast, die-in-the-wool beliefs, I had a very hard time the first time I made it to an AA meeting and saw the word "god" all over the place. I figured there was absolutely no way to do AA without a belief in god. I came to one meeting and didn't come back for another year. In that time I had drove drunk numerous times and put myself and others in jeapordy. I finally got kicked out of my house and had to stay in a hotel, which was my bottom. By many standards, a relatively high bottom and maybe that's why I was unable to "let go absolutely of my old ideas." This time I decided to stay for a couple days and see if I could find a way to work this program. I shared my problems I was having with the "god" thing, and thankfully a guy named Richard sat me down afetr the meeting and explained the idea of a power greated than myself. He simply said I didn't have the power to stop drinking and just needed to find a greated power to help my stop drinking. I finally got it that it wasn't a religous program and a beliefe in "god" wasn't mandatory. But I still didn't know how I was gonna work the steps.
I moved to a club closer to my house and found an incredible group of people to share my feeling with. I few days later I was expressing my frustration in a meeting about how I was gonna be able to work the steps. After the meeting, an older gentelman took me aside and told me he was an agnostic/athiest and had been sober for over twenty years. I had heard him share a few times in the meetings, and really liked his level of serenity and wanted what he had. He took me on as a sponsee and walked me thru the steps, as an agnostic.
The power I chose to use was the power of AA as a whole. Surrounding me at all times were people with the power to stay sober for many, many years. Throughout the Big Book and any other literature I read, I simply replaced the word "God" with "AA". I let AA guide my actions throughout the day. If I came to a crossroad or a question to what to do, I simply asked myself what would AA want me to do, what would my sponsor expect me to do, or my dad who has been sober for about 40 years.
I know it's not the normal or expected way of doing things. Maybe if I would have fallen farther down and or lost everything I would have been willing to cast aside my beliefs. I couldn't fake my belief in god because I would have been lying to myself and would have felt guilty and most likely not stayed for long and probably woud have continued to drink and possibly lost everything and maybe even killed myself or someone else. All because of my problem with the "god thing" many people say they also have difficuly with. I've seen people leave the program because of this and would hope this may help someone out there stay around til they get there own higher power, which most choose to call God. That is my experience and it's worked for 4 1/2 years and haven't found it necessary to ever "go out". Thanks for being here. Derek
I don't say this to start a debate or to contradict the teachings of AA. I say this to share my experience, strenght, and hope. If someone is having the same problems I was, then maybe it will help them in their recovery. Because of my steadfast, die-in-the-wool beliefs, I had a very hard time the first time I made it to an AA meeting and saw the word "god" all over the place. I figured there was absolutely no way to do AA without a belief in god. I came to one meeting and didn't come back for another year. In that time I had drove drunk numerous times and put myself and others in jeapordy. I finally got kicked out of my house and had to stay in a hotel, which was my bottom. By many standards, a relatively high bottom and maybe that's why I was unable to "let go absolutely of my old ideas." This time I decided to stay for a couple days and see if I could find a way to work this program. I shared my problems I was having with the "god" thing, and thankfully a guy named Richard sat me down afetr the meeting and explained the idea of a power greated than myself. He simply said I didn't have the power to stop drinking and just needed to find a greated power to help my stop drinking. I finally got it that it wasn't a religous program and a beliefe in "god" wasn't mandatory. But I still didn't know how I was gonna work the steps.
I moved to a club closer to my house and found an incredible group of people to share my feeling with. I few days later I was expressing my frustration in a meeting about how I was gonna be able to work the steps. After the meeting, an older gentelman took me aside and told me he was an agnostic/athiest and had been sober for over twenty years. I had heard him share a few times in the meetings, and really liked his level of serenity and wanted what he had. He took me on as a sponsee and walked me thru the steps, as an agnostic.
The power I chose to use was the power of AA as a whole. Surrounding me at all times were people with the power to stay sober for many, many years. Throughout the Big Book and any other literature I read, I simply replaced the word "God" with "AA". I let AA guide my actions throughout the day. If I came to a crossroad or a question to what to do, I simply asked myself what would AA want me to do, what would my sponsor expect me to do, or my dad who has been sober for about 40 years.
I know it's not the normal or expected way of doing things. Maybe if I would have fallen farther down and or lost everything I would have been willing to cast aside my beliefs. I couldn't fake my belief in god because I would have been lying to myself and would have felt guilty and most likely not stayed for long and probably woud have continued to drink and possibly lost everything and maybe even killed myself or someone else. All because of my problem with the "god thing" many people say they also have difficuly with. I've seen people leave the program because of this and would hope this may help someone out there stay around til they get there own higher power, which most choose to call God. That is my experience and it's worked for 4 1/2 years and haven't found it necessary to ever "go out". Thanks for being here. Derek
Tags: God, greater, higher, myself, power, than
Views: 17
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sara VP on -
Derek~ I call my HP "the love in the rooms" and the power of healing through sharing stories. I'm actually a pantheist, with a deep curiosity about how people relate to a spiritual way of living. It's endlessly fascinating. I'm glad you found what you needed in AA. As it says in the ABC's, (god could and would if sought), it's the seeking that matters, not the finding.
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Permalink Reply by Robert H on -
There is plenty of room to spare in the doorway of AA for those of us who don’t believe in the “god the deity.” I had a real problem with god for years. What change for me was I stopped trying to believe in something I didn’t believe in. I don’t know how many times they said it before be I was finally able to hear GOD a Group Of Drunks and all of sudden I had an understanding of GOD. It was the same god I use in my third step…..the AA group plain and simple a Group Of Drunks
I was sitting with my sponsor and another long timer about 6 months ago when the deity of god came up I told them I didn’t believe in one. They both told me that I was in for a big surprise. I just smiled and answered “I hope so but tell me this if I‘m wrong, will I be judged on my beliefs or my actions.” There was dead silent until my sponsor’s sponsor who was also there smiled and said “you’re doing good kid.”
I won’t discount anyone’s belief in a power of their understanding as long as they leave me mine.
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Permalink Reply by Southpaw (Erin H) on -
Hi, Derek,
I have had the same problem for years......the 'god thing'. I guess I'm going to have to update my blog on here and share the experience! lol
I think accepting God as I understood him, was by far my biggest obstacle. I'm glad that you have found a resolution with it - because, yes, you're right: faking it won't work at all!
Thanks for sharing this!!!
Erin
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Permalink Reply by Maureen on -
I think as long as we're open to the concept of a power greater than ourselves, whatever that might be, it's cool. You know, "willing to walk along spiritual lines." AA is a pretty powerful thing. I'm overwhelmed by the amazing power of this program. In a good way.
My higher power, my God, is all the positive energy in the universe. It’s what makes grass grow and waterfalls plunge and birds sing. It’s what makes a moose run by the car in a campground parking lot at just the right moment. It’s the spark of the soul.
When I’m not caught up in my own emotional BS, I can tap into that and have faith that everything is just as it is supposed to be, even when it sucks.
We have to take the Yin with the Yang. Yep, the seasons change and the grass dies and the birds leave and sometimes the moose gets hit by the car, but we carry on. The world keeps turning. The birds come back and usually the grass does too. I’m not sure what happens to the moose.
I try to always remember this:
I am right where I'm supposed to be. I can fight it, or accept it and learn whatever it is the universe has in store for me - no matter how much it hurts.
If I'm drinking or using, I won't get the lesson, just the pain.
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Permalink Reply by Peggy Slater on -
When I came into the program of AA 5 years ago...I couldn't talk about God. I really didn't believe that there was anything good to say. When I was a child, my parents gave me a good life...church every Sunday, a prayer before every meal...my dad told me that he couldn't explain things without God having a hand in creation. I remember getting married to my now x husband of 11 years and 3 children later...We have a daughter that was born with a heart defect and died 8 days later...I only thought...why would a God that is so good, take something away from me that he had just given me. I never could understand why or how a power greater than myself could benefit my life or sobriety in any way. I followed the suggestion of those who come to the program before me. Simply because what I was doing was clearly not working...it was only getting me into trouble. I got a sponsor and she told me to keep coming back and if I couldn't trust in a power greater than myself, then I could use hers. I did and prayer became a great part of my day. I pray every morning and ask that God would help me to stay sober just for today. I then meditate by reading positive thoughts, if I don't then I run around all day with those negative thoughts. I end my day by reading my big book and thank God for helping me to stay sober...that's what has worked for me and now I believe in my higher power.
Maureen said:I think as long as we're open to the concept of a power greater than ourselves, whatever that might be, it's cool. You know, "willing to walk along spiritual lines." AA is a pretty powerful thing. I'm overwhelmed by the amazing power of this program. In a good way.
My higher power, my God, is all the positive energy in the universe. It’s what makes grass grow and waterfalls plunge and birds sing. It’s what makes a moose run by the car in a campground parking lot at just the right moment. It’s the spark of the soul.
When I’m not caught up in my own emotional BS, I can tap into that and have faith that everything is just as it is supposed to be, even when it sucks.
We have to take the Yin with the Yang. Yep, the seasons change and the grass dies and the birds leave and sometimes the moose gets hit by the car, but we carry on. The world keeps turning. The birds come back and usually the grass does too. I’m not sure what happens to the moose.
I try to always remember this:
I am right where I'm supposed to be. I can fight it, or accept it and learn whatever it is the universe has in store for me - no matter how much it hurts.
If I'm drinking or using, I won't get the lesson, just the pain.
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Permalink Reply by james b on -
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path-just stay sober for today and you can later sweat the small stuff
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Permalink Reply by Gerry on -
Thank you Derek,
Inspiring esh, Please share this with others whenever you can, for me to do the right things for the right reasons when at a crossroad is the essence of how I should live my life - which path can I take with a clear conciense, not always easy and I'm far from perfect. The nature of my concience be it God given or just within me I need not concern myself with. As long as I continue to grow along these lines I will and do know serenity.
Thanks again,
Gerry.
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Permalink Reply by Karen, F on -
The hardest part for me to accept in this program, it turns out, has been the "we" part. I've made it so overcomplicated in the fifteen+ years of coming in and out, finally getting almost two years, going back out for two months and coming back once more. I'm having to really see what I've missed, and it hit me today in a meeting as we discussed the third step. Finding a power greater than myself means keeping in a willing state of mind to accept an authority other than mine. The first place it takes me is to the fact that I need others to help me. Period. I can't do it alone, and the last nine months of sobriety before I picked up, I had isolated again, and become unwilling to take suggestions. The other thing is that I don't have to understand it, I just have to make a decision, I have to try. I know from previous experience that I don't need a theologian's comprehension of a specific god to put prayer into practise along with the principles of the program. The miraculous thing comes in the evidence of something greater than me that seems to hear me and grant me answers. When I get hung up in trying to explain it in terms too big for me to know, I start grasping for control I don't have..
I'm so grateful to have a place I can go with others like me, on land and online, who can share with me how in the world they managed to live life free from the slavery of alcoholism. It's the only place I know for sure I can keep coming back.
Thanks for all your posts.
~Karen
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Permalink Reply by Sharon Hüsselman on -
The fact that you are an addict indicates that you have a STRONG spiritual (not religious!) nature. All addicts know instinctively that there is more to life than the mundane and this is what sets them off chasing the surreal, NOT accepting what everyone (the world) tells them, and not conforming to the patterns of the world.
From what I pick up from your post, you are in the healthy position of firsly being true to yourself, and secondly for searching after the Truth to life. And be assured that if you seek the Truth you will find it. I know I did after 20 years of searching… there is far more to life than survival and the mundane.
Warm regards
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