hello to AA-meetings.com.....5 months sober

Yesterday was 5 months clean for me. I have been riding a roller coaster of drama lately; but this is true of my whole life really. It’s not that it’s happening more lately, but rather I’m just noticing it more today. I think I am growing.

For me, “growing up” is not the word to describe this growth. That defines a goal of growth that is defined by others having to do with being a responsible citizen of America; today I am simply evolving towards the light. I suppose I was doing that even in addiction, but then it was like I was attending the school of Pain and Fear, and now I’m in transfer to another school in this great university. I don’t even know the name of this school, but that’s ok—l don’t need to know everything, sometimes, today. It’s nothing like the school of engineering or liberal arts; maybe it’s like the school of the heart. I do know this: that I’m attending a new university with new brand new shiny hallways and helpful people. And All I gotta do is open my eyes and keep doing my homework…I don’t even have to worry about grades anymore as I am now my own teacher in the University of Life.

It’s so important to witness others go through all the parts of being human, of being real. I’ve grown accustomed to experiencing only some parts of the human experience, but there is an untapped encyclopedia of possibilities that at best I only have little hints about. For example, I’m used to being a taker (or a receiver at best), and I’m used to literally worrying and obsessing about taking care of me. But there is so much more than just me: to start with there are 6.5 billion other me’s who are breathing in again right now.

So I must press on, I must walk now, with my head on level ground and with my heart becoming more and more able to guide me and literally charge me towards the next breath.