God

I've been kind of puzzled lately.I heard a guy speak at the assembly and he talked about how he had hated God,but later come to realize it was his perception and I've been asking myself is that my problem.I hated God when I first came to A.A.,but later turned to love him,trust in him,but at the same time there are things that confuse me and I know it's just me but maybe someone can help shed some light on this thing and help me figure out exactly what it is.I think that when I don't feel like I'm getting the healing I ask for on a daily basis,that God isn't healing me.I feel that when I ask for his guidance I don't know if I am getting it and that might be because I don't feel that I am .I feel like my life is always going to be the same as it always has been,with my life never going anywhere in any kind of direction,that I'll never really accomplish any of my dreams,that I'll always live a life that will never take me anywhere,that I'll always have the same kind of man that I have always had and I'll never get to really experience anything in life,like go to Africa,that is one of my dreams.i feel that I'll never know happiness,love,joy peace,stability and I'll never really have anything in life that will make me want to live life on purpose.I don't know how to change about things,i tell myself every day that God is going to give me my hearts desires because I trust that he will lead me and guide me,I just don't see anything different,still living what I call a ho-drum life, same thing every day ,day in and day out.